In Memory. . .

It's quiet in the house. My sisters have fallen asleep and so has my mom. I'm sitting here on my bed thinking about the past 2 days. Everything my whole family has been through, it doesn't seem real. Let me get you caught up.

It's been exactly one week since my Grandpa has died. On Saturday, August 23, 2008, my sister and I went to go cut our hair. While Crystal was cutting her hair, I got a phone call from my Dad telling me that my Grandpa had died, he wanted me to tell my Mom, but I just couldn't do it. Who makes a 15 year-old-boy tell his Mom that her Dad just died? No one should! After my Dad told her, she cried on my shoulder. I'll never forget that. That night, when my Mom and Dad came home, my Mom told my sisters and I that most of our aunts were there, then he passed away. But, he kept his eyes open because he wanted to seem like he was still awake because he was waiting for my Mom and my other aunt.

Everyone went to go see my Grandpa at the funeral home on Friday, but me. I had school. Yes, I know that I could have got out of school. But there was this big part of me that was afraid to go, that's why I told my mom not to pick me up from home and drive me there. I spent Friday home alone, happy, thanks to Retro. When my family came home at night, my sisters told me that there was a chance that I would have to carry the coffin in the ceremony. I was shocked. I don't know why, but I was really scared. Also since most of my family members went on Friday, they got their tears out.

Saturday morning came. I woke up and took a shower and put on my black outfit, spiked up my hair, and left with my sisters. When we got there, the place was really nice. The sun was shining, birds in the air, and pretty lakes with water shooting out. We went inside and after a few minutes my aunts told me that I had to pray for my Grandpa. I was really scared to see him. I walked up to the table and the coffin was behind it. I took the incent sticks and prayed. I wasn't wearing my glasses, but I could see his face. I couldn't believe it, my Grandpa was gone. I walked out of the room and sat down on the couch by the entrance. I started to cry, for the first time in 4 years, there were tears running down my face. It felt nice to be crying again after so long. For the rest of the day my sisters, my cousin, and I helped the guest sign in so that they could also visit my Grandpa.

Today was going to be the hardest day of all. It was confirmed that I was going to be one of the 6 boys to carry my Grandpa out of the church and to the creamatorium. We got to the funeral home around 9:50 and there were some guest already there. From 10 AM to 12 PM, guests just kept coming to visit my Grandpa. My family were meeting old friends and the kids were helping out. I decided to go in one last time to pray, and this time I didn't cry. It hit 12 PM, and everyone was told to go inside. One by one, my Grandpa's friends made a speech. Though I didn't fully understand it, I got the base of it. Then one of my aunts went up. Her speech was in full Vietnamamese, and I understood everyword of it. I started to tear up, because I could relate to her speech. Lying to my parents telling them that I'm going to go out to study when I'm really hanging out with my friends. I started to cry even more. Few more moments later, the whole family went up one by one to say goodbye to Grandpa. It got to the kids turn, and I saw his face. It has changed so much through the years, I couldn't help but cry. The man who used to give me crackers when I was a kid or the time when he would give me New Years money. . . was gone. I stood off to the side while everyone said their goodbye. I cried really badly. Then it was time to take the coffin out to the creamatorium.

My uncle and cousin Ho, was in the front. My cousin Andy and I were in the middle. Then my other cousin, Thomas, and cousin-in-law Hai, were in the back. We slowly brought the casket out. My sister Crystal and cousin, Priscilla, were holding the flowers which were in front of us. As we went outside, everyone followed. We slowly went to the creamatorium. Only family was allowed inside, and I chose to stay. The coffin was rising into the oven, as my aunts, uncles, cousins, sisters, and parents started to cry. I couldn't believe what was happening. I tried my best to hold my tears back, but I couldn't. The coffin went inside the oven and the door closed.


Sitting here, none of it feels real. It was just like a bad dream, but it wasn't. It happened and I have to face that. What I saw may have changed my life, but it was for the good. I feel a lot better and stronger now.

Weird, I'm tearing up. I need a tissue.

Grandpa

August 23, 2008 at 1:18 PM

Rest In Peace Grandpa.

Pre-Farewell

It's a pre-farewell, not official.

I've decided that no matter what, you need to go. You said that you'll get mad if I stop talking to you, but I don't think you even know it's you. Haha, or you could care less. Doesn't matter anymore, my heart has stop hurting.

From here on out, everything it going to be stored away and forgotten, until there's nothing left. When it's a complete goodbye, you'll know.


Pre-goodbye.

Great America

Today was OFFICIALLY my last day at California's Great America.

It was only a few months ago, I was sitting in the HR Office waiting for my interview with Nancy and Rebecca. Nervous as hell? Amazing how much time has passed since then. I met new friends and experienced new things.

I was 12 minutes late this morning? Haha, it's because I never worked a Sunday since I started so it was pretty weird. Then I just started cleaning tables with my other coworkers, it was a pretty chill day. One of my supervisors, Rodalyn, finally put me in Kiosk today, haha. Kiosk is basically where you serve soda to people. It's a pretty easy job compared to everything else there, and I wanted my last day to trying something new and easy.

Before every pinic we always have a meeting, so here I was in the last meeting. Our another supervisor, Daniel (funny I know huh?), was talking about how the picnic was going to work and then it got somewhat quiet. He said, "As most of you know today is Daniel and Cathy's last day here." Haha, all of a sudden there was a lot of "awws". I felt somewhat sad, haha. If they kept going for like two more seconds then it would have been really sad. So we took a group picture together as 191.

Then the picnic started and we were serving Chinese people, haha. Man, they love Coke, Fanta, and Lemonade. Time passed, and then it was 4. 30 more minutes and I was gone. I was doing my job like how I was suppose to when Cathy and I got called over to the office. Daniel, the supervisor, had some goodbye gifts for us. Hello Panda, Pocky, and YanYan Sticks. How cheap? Haha, but it was the thought that counted. So Cathy and I decided to open the Hello Panda and give everyone a piece as our goodbye. 30 minutes went by really quick, and my time was up. I went to the phone for the last time and clocked out. Said my last goodbyes, gave hugs, and wrote something on the board. I walked out of the Pavillion for the last time. Out of Post 4, and gone.


[picture with quote coming soon]

Junior Year Class Schedule

First Period : AP US History - Adams

Third Period : AP English - Courey

Fourth Period : CHAMPS 2 - Arias

Fifth Period : CHAMPS 2 - Arias

Six Period : PE Health

Seventh Period : Trigonometry - Larson

Eighth Period : Environment Science - Sanders

Nothing final yet. It's weird that I'm missing a second period. Haha, what am I suppose to do? Where do I go? But other than that, it's a really good schedule. Doesn't really seem like much. =)

Competition Part Two

Saturday her competition time was 8:20 AM.

I was the only one who woke up in time. We left the house like at 8, so you can guess that we didn't make it and right when we walked in we missed her peformance. But after we played the games in the arcade for about an hour. We left the ice rink around 12 and we ate Wendy's while she got her scores, pictures, and out to her with her crew.

Wendy's was pretty bad. The lady's screwed up our orders, and the food was meh. We had a nice long talk though about a lot of stuff while we were there. Then we sat in the car for awhile and talked some more about some pretty deep stuff. After we set off to Grand Century to meet Crystal. We had to drive her dad and her back to the rink so he could get his car. Then it was ice skating time! On the way there Crystal told us that she forgot her skates and she couldn't skate without them, haha. So we drove all the way back to get her skates and then it took us a while to find the skating rink. It was my first time skating so I was excited! I got my skates and then it was time to hit the ice! It wasn't so bad. It was kind of like roller skating, we slowly starting skating around and I got used to it. Crystal kept throw ice at us, haha. I tried walking on my toes and I fell, it was pretty sad. Then this little girl got in my way, and then I fell again. Man, sucked butt. Crystal started showing us some moves, but they were too hard, so we gave up. Took some pictures, and then it was closing time

We went to go get some Ben&Jerry's Ice Cream because she's never had it before. Then we took off and went back to my house. Dinner wasn't ready so we went to the park and played around. She started attacking me. Haha, I have to say it was pretty scary. The running, flying sticks, and sand everywhere. Went home, ate dinner, and just hanged around. I was pretty sore. I had abs because of her and my butt, arms, and legs were sore. I went to take a shower, but by the time I got out, she left.

I won't see her again until October, hopefully my birthday! =)


[VIDEO SOON!]

Competition Part One

My friend Crystal Nguyen came from Hawaii to California on Tuesday, August 5.

I've known her for awhile now, since I was like 7? Haha, I'm not really sure. We see her every now and then when we go to Hawaii or when she comes to California. She's a pretty famous skater in Hawaii and that's why she came to California to compete in a skating competition.

Her first stop in California was my house. My sisters and I planned to wake up at 9 to clean the house and get ready to meet her because she was coming at 10, but like always none of us woke up and she came. Haha, my mom ran up the stairs and I just woke up and she was like Crystal's here! So I put on a shirt, brushed my teeth, and when downstairs. It was a bit awkward at first. I said, "Hi" and she said, "Hi.", asked her how she was doing and when was her competition and stuff like that. Then at the last minute we decided to play games, but then she had to leave to check into her hotel and other stuff.

The next day my sisters and I were suppose to go to her practice, but there were some problems apparently? So, we didn't go. Same with the next day after that. Thursday night / almost Friday morning and my sister and I were making posters to cheer her on.

It was Friday, competition day. My sisters and I came to the ice rink around 10:20 AM and it was as cold as expected. Good thing I wore my VSA Sweater, all nice and warm. Heh, I felt somewhat bad for my sisters. We sat there performance after another. Every girl fell in some sort of way, it was pretty sad. Then we saw Crystal going out to the ice to practice and we started screaming hella loud for her. Haha, we were like, "GO CRYSTAL! YEAHH!", and everyone was staring at us, but they're just jealous that their child doesn't have a fan club. Eventually she performed and it was amazingly good. She was the only girl who didn't fall too, pro or what? After she was done, we went down to where all the skaters were, tooks pictures, gave her the posters, and just hanged out until she got her scores. She got first place, duh whatelse? She got her medals and took her pictures, then we left to go eat. We ate at some place in Grand Century Mall. There was a plan to go ice skating, but there was enough time because she had practice at six because she got into Saturday's competition. So she went home, and we went to Santana Row, I got a drink at Fantasia, and then we went home.



[VIDEO SOON]

Umbrella

My grandpa is in the hosptial. Now my uncle is in the hosptial. What does this mean? What is this summer trying to make of me?

I want to stand in the rain and cry, but nothing's there. I want everything to wash away.

Pray Part Two

Sigh. So here's the brighter side to the story.

While my sisters and I were at McDonald's, we were talking about the whole situation. It was weird, because even through the whole thing my mom wanted to make dinner. So we decided that we weren't going to let our mom cook, I would. We went over to Safeway and started to buy the ingredients the chicken breast, mash potatos, gravy, cake mix, cupcake holders, ice cream, and salad.

Once we got home, we cranked up the music and started cooking. I was working on dinner and Crystal was working on dessert. Haha, I find it really weird to touch raw meat, but this was for my family. I started cutting up the chicken and then got the flour, eggs, and bread crumbs all out. Putting the flour on the chick was fine, no biggie. But, when I got to the egg and the bread crumbs my hands felt all nasty. After all 5 pieces were done, the frying began. The air was a weird mixture of chocolate cupcakes and chicken, it was nice, it felt like being in a chef's kitchen again. Then our mom and dad came out and they were looking at us, but I guess they knew what we were up to. Haha, our dad started talking to our mom if there was salad for dinner, then our mom was like, "Oh I'll make some." Exactly at the same time all 3 of us said, "Don't worry mom, we got it. We already bought salad. We have everything under control." Haha, it was weird. While the chicken and the cupcakes were frying / baking, we started on the gravy and mash potatos.

After 2 hours from start to finish, everything was done. The table was set for 5, there was chicken on the right side of the plate, mash patatos on the left side, and on the bottom was room for salad.

Everyone was called to the dinner table and we all sat down. I was kinda scared to try my own food because this was the first time I ever made this, so there could be something wrong with this. My dad started to dig in, then my mom and my sisters. I cut a piece of chicken and started eating it. It tasted so good that I smiled. I asked everyone how was the chicken and everyone loved it. I was pretty proud of myself. Perfection at the first try.

Pray Part One

I don't know how to start this off.

In my first entry I was talking about how this summer was preparing me for something big. Something unexpected, something that I could take on. Yesterday's entry was just a big confused pile of my emotions, which I assume leads up to today.

This morning I did my daily routine, wake up, brush my teeth, put on a shirt, and then to the computer. The computer got boring and so I decided to watch some television, when I realized that I was pretty hungry and that I should get some McDonald's. Few moments later when my sisters woke up, we agreed to go to McDonald's to get something to eat, that's when Crystal's phone rang. My mother was crying on the phone asking us to pray for our Grandpa because he was in the hospital and it seemed like he wasn't going to make it. It was ironic, my sisters and I were all wearing black too. The car ride to McDonald's must have been the most quiet car ride that I've ever had with them.

So it this what summer has been shaping me for? To take on this big challenge? Is this the icebreaker to make me cry? No matter the outcome, the journey will be tough and I don't feel as strong as I should. At times like this, I wish I had someone to lean on for support. I don't feel like giving out so much detail on how I feel, so I'm ending it here.


Bloop. I'll continue the rest of the story later, the happier side w/ pictures.

Crossroads & Emotions

You know, I used to hate the entries where I talk about my days and what happened, but for some reason this Blogger makes it feel nice. Today won't be about my day, I'm going to try and hit deep.



Paths. People talk about paths and how they have to follow their own or they don't know if they've taken the right one. Crossroads is another word that works. Do we always choose the right path?Ever wondered what happens if you took the other side of the road? I think that's what creates regrets. When everything goes wrong with the choice that we've taken, we always look and wonder about the other side. Is there a brief moment that we can experience the other side to see what we're missing out on? Depends on the situation doesn't it? I like how I'm asking so many questions, haha. The reason is, I really don't know the answer to any of these. I guess it's just life lessons that we go through to learn how to face harder things later on. But we have to know that if the opportunity to take a look into the other side is available, we have to be thankful for that chance, because sometimes it won't wait around.

And that goes with people too. We don't wait around forever for anything. Though we say stuff like, "I'll wait forever for you", in the end, you know it's not true. Would you really wait for someone for 100 years knowing that they'll never love you back? Or watching the person you like, like someone else. That's where lines are drawn, physically and emotionally. Many people find it hard to cut off feelings for another person, and yet I find it the easiest thing to do. You can call it me being heartless, but I call years of experience. Holding my emotions inside is something I've know how to do since fifth grade. Sure, it might be a bad thing, but so what? It might make me "robotic", but fuck you. Do I give a shit what you think about me? No, I don't think so.

I have a feeling though, that one of these days I'm just going to bust out crying and hopefully no one is around. I hate to see people cry, I don't know why. It gets on my nerves, but I think it's because I'm jealous. That they can let out their emotions so easily and yet I can't. Have I forgot how to cry? Maybe. I know for a fact that I can't just make myself cry even after all I've been through. Haha, after writing all this it makes me realized that I haven't sorted out my emotions like I thought I did. No matter what I do, the challenge will always be there, until I'm ready to face it.



Have I hit deep? Meh, I could go into detail, but I don't give out details on such personal things. It's getting late, I should go to bed. Until another time.